Chapter 11

Writer's Note: This one is going to be split apart as well, and ends on a rather interesting note, I must admit. We learn something interesting about Conner. Hope you enjoy.

It really is a beautiful bar, how it is in my head. When Conner reached it he saw all of the whorls and loops from the tree it came from. When he set his hands on it, it seemed to sigh in welcome under him, warming his hands and heart.

‘quite a scene you made there. Third or fourth?’ the barkeep asked. Conner was confused by the statement.

‘what do you mean by that?’

‘is this the third girl this week or the fifth?’ he asked, clarifying.

‘why would you ask a question like that’

‘because I know your type, Conner. You play with them and then throw them back when you have used them to your hearts content. I know your culture, I know you. You do not value relationships or sex at all but throw it around like candy or credits. So is she the third or the fifth?’ he asked, wiping down the rest of the bar with a soft cloth, avoiding his arm. Conner shook his head.

‘I do not do that, sir. She is in fact the only woman I have ever asked to go with me to anything, ever. When I do end up with someone, when I love them as much as the old stories talk about, I will create a union with them and we will be together forever, if she can handle it. I will not bail on her and I will not allow it to just deteriorate. Call me old fashioned, but that is what I will be like. Josh calls me weak for it, but he calls me a lot of things,’ Conner answered, looking him straight in his good eye. Conner knew it made him look weak to most people but after a time he learned how to no longer care for what the hell other people thought of him, except for Josh and Jude. The bartender considered him carefully.

‘fine, I’ll accept that answer, and I think you are actually telling the truth. I just wonder if you really like women at all. You seem awfully attached to that Joshua kid. If I did not think that there was some truth in what you just said about your potential future woman then I might think you are a homosexual,’ he said lightly, returning to rubbing down the bar top. Conner did not know what to say, because he sensed that this was not a man to lie to, not if he wanted the truth in the future. This was his payment but he had never said these thoughts out loud to anybody. That, though, might be because he never really had anybody he could tell. His parents were always out of that loop, any loop for that matter, and Josh or Jude were not an option either. If he did then it would mean him not having a home or any of the extras that came with living with Josh and Jude. He could live with out them, and had for many, many years. He had lived with less than most of his class as well. But he had gotten used to his current way of life and did not want to leave it over a stupid little secret. Over a huge, stupid little secret. However, he was in a situation where he could finally trust somebody and figured that is was more beneficial to actually tell him what he was. He leaned in, finally ready to tell somebody about it.

‘barkeep,’ one of the other males in his class, Don, walked up and tapped on the counter, ‘give me two beers, whatever you have that tastes good, and two cosmos for the ladies. Conner, nice to see you away from the prince. How are you doing?’

‘I am doing okay, Don. And you?’ Conner asked him. He was a little huskier than most, but Conner knew that he spent many hours in the gym. Sometimes there was just no slimming down a body and he could tell that the male could lift the equivalent of five of them. During a fire in one of the buildings, when they had been trapped in a room he had actually managed to pry open a sealed door with his bare hands. He had thick brown hair and brown eyes, and he was an ass. He did not like Conner, and he hated Josh. He was constantly trying to push him under a moving vehicle, in the figurative sense.

‘just wonderful. It is going to be a good night, I can just tell. Leah is probably going to help me fulfill a dream of a long time and she has been hesitant but I think I finally got her to give in. We might be having a three way tonight, if I can play my cards right. Would you like to watch, or maybe even join in, Conner? It is going to be a time of a lifetime. I can not wait until tonight,’ he said with a smirk. Don knew that Conner really was not interested in something like that but he always made a point to ask, to push his buttons. Conner did not care that other people did not feel the same way he did about relations and relationships but it was when they decided to try to get him to join, that was when he really started to feel they over stepped their bounds. Don just overstepped his.

‘that is nice news for you, don, but I am not interested. I thank you for the invitation, though,’ Conner declined as gracefully as possible. The bartender finished don’s drinks and held them out to him, waiting for the male to notice that they were up. He did after a second of considering Conner and took them from the bartender. He smiled slightly and leaned in just a bit so what he said next was private.

‘well, if it will make you come along I will take any deposit you might like to give. This account takes deposits and pays out, if you get what I mean. Whatever you want. It is not as big of a deal as the previous generation has made of it, and I would be willing to show you the ways,’ he paused and looked Conner up and down as he was leaning on the counter. For the first time in a long time Conner blushed, almost as bright as Cassandra had a little while ago.

‘I’ll think it over, I promise. I think the girls are looking for you though,’ Conner answered, gesturing to the females Leah and Emily. They were waving to him, trying to get his attention again as their drinks were getting a little warm and don was not there cracking jokes. He was a funny man, he was, and good to be around. Conner might actually consider his offer seriously.

‘well, I will let you know when we leave,’ don answered and gave Conner a hearty wink. Conner nodded to him and don walked back over to his group to entertain them and get them ready for a fun time that night. Conner turned back to the barkeep and put his head in his hands.

‘oh dear god, if there is any, why did I just say that? I need something to,’ Conner said, and then heard a glass tap onto the surface in front of him, ‘drink. What did you give me?’

‘a rum and dark soda. Trust me it is good. And I think it suits you,’ he answered. Conner picked up the glass and tipped some of the drink into his mouth. He held it there for just a second and then swallowed, savoring the cold.

‘this is good. How did you ever think to put these two together? I have just been dealing with straight liquors for years, not much liking them but needing to make a good appearance in front of Jude’s people but never really liking it,’ Conner babbled.

‘I have just always tried to mix and match everything, even the stuff that does not seem like it would go at first. The rum just has a nice tang to it that comes through the sweetness of the dark soda. This has always been a big hit,’ he answered, ‘so, are you going to take him up on is offer?’

‘I do not know. I guess this kind of divulges my secret to you, does it not?’ Conner asked, and he nodded, ‘well, I have always wondered about this. I refuse to go to the houses for this, because that could ruin both mine and Josh’s. Who is to say that we were not doing this kind of thing all along, out of the public’s eyes, and even out of Jude’s? So I have never even made this a part of my thinking, always pushing it back and denying it. I believe Josh has guessed at it a little, but he does not seem to care. Not like how Jude would. The problem is, their grants and donations would all fall off and every one would turn against them the moment the public found out they were keeping a little gay boy in the house. Then there would be tribunals and all of this research would be discredited for the public and his name changed in all the textbooks. I would have nowhere to go, except for living as an employee of one of the sex houses for males who like males. The weird thing is, I do not only like males, I like women as well. As don said, both deposits and payments can be made, and not just to other males.’

Chapter 10

Writer's Note: Here's the second half of the tenth chapter. I'm not even sure what's going on in here after this. I'm playing catch up right now, so I'm not going to try to figure it out. Enjoy.

‘did you need anything to drink, sir?’ one of the servers asked Conner. He must have looked like some uncultured boob, standing and staring in the doorway.

‘you can call me Conner, all of you I have never like the name ‘sir’. And no, I do not need anything as of yet. I am not as much of a fish as my friend over there, who, I am sorry to report, enjoys being called ‘sir’. If he gives you any problems then come for me. And I suspect there will be trouble tonight, so tell everyone to memorize my face and back,’ I told the woman. She nodded, looking thoughtful.

‘I will pass on that information to the others. For you help I will tell you one thing. That man over there,’ she paused and nodded to the bartender, ‘is the only one in here what could tell you anything about the Ya̧nomamö and the forest they protect. Or anything about their culture and customs.’

‘a good position for a person with that type of power, is it not?’ Conner mused out loud. The woman smiled and glided away.

Josh slunk over to Conner next, smirking. Conner knew what he was going to say and checked that neither any wervers or his classmates were close to them.

‘enjoying some nice Ya̧nomamö ass, Conner? Or is that one more to your taste?’ josh asked, nodding to one of the male servers bending over the table to give the silver candlestick holders one last polish before the majority of the students arrived.

‘shut your mouth and stem the flow of the ridiculous musings. I am not gay (nope, only bi. I lust after both sexes but mostly you Josh!). I just have not really felt the time was ever appropriate to have sex (because it has never been with you. Why have you not offered yet?). I know the options are open to me from several women and the sex centers if I were desperate. It is just not what I want,’ Conner told him. They had the conversation before, and Conner was sick of it.

‘This is not two thousand and nine; there are centers for men who like men. It is a biological mutation, nobody would thing less of you,’ josh said, slapping Conner on the shoulder. Conner nodded and smiled, mostly to get josh’s hand off him (I suppose I was just too close to getting hard if he kept it on there any longer).

He knew exactly who would care if he was interested in men instead of women. Jude would be, and not in a buddy – buddy way, or a I – could – use – this – as – a – knowledge – gaining – experience way either. More like a get – the – fuck – out – of – my – house fashion. He would not want his precious son corrupted by his dirty influences. While homosexuals were not necessarily condemned in their society, it was kept quiet by the man or woman. Otherwise family visits were fewer and farther between, because things were just so busy. Friends might stop being friends for the same reason. Slowly every social connection might fade away and your job status lowered as a result. Nobody else would want theirs lowered as a result. Nobody else would want theirs lowered as a result of yours. In a way the government caused your isolation, just in case you spread the gay or something. Reportedly the number of homosexuals has fallen since they implemented the laws, but Conner wondered what the rate for dissatisfaction was across the years. The tests were given every year but that was a privatized test. You could infer what it was by the amount of assemblies that warned of depression and ways of avoiding unhappiness and living a fulfilling life, but that was imperfect.

Slowly the students had been filtering in. There were seventeen students total in Conner’s class. Ten males and seven females altogether. The males were dressed fairly plainly. Mostly blue and green shirts with black pants and shoes. There was one red head in the group and he was hostile about it. He was mocked all the time as a kid, and that could cause the anger and resentment. He never really made friends to help him care less about his difference. The rest of the class had typical black hair. Some had wiry hair and some had the smooth hair, reflecting where their ancestry might lie. A more Asian background would typically be shown in fine hair and African or Latin would be shown through the more wiry hair.

The girls were wearing the interesting clothing. There was a new style with hair style, where, from the front it looked like a classic haircut. Straight and neat and shiny. Coiffed. But when you saw the back of it you could tell she was a party girl at heart. It would be short and spiked and multiple colors on the back. They actually looked like they could cut you accidentally. If that were true he felt bad for anyone who was going to be dancing behind them tonight. Their clothes, these were a statement but different from the hair. Some were in today’s clothing; a close – fitting dress made of the normal, reusable latex that could be formed and reformed into many clothes and would probably outlive the person. It was practical and current. The girls who wore these dress, for all they could put any pattern that they wanted onto it – Conner even saw one girl with the Pegasus Nebula on hers – they were known to be of the lower class, and probably there on some sort of scholarship. There were three girls who were there simply with pain and three little patches of latex. They were not poor, and one was part of the most prestigious families that existed. This was their form of rebellion. Since body art was as temporary as the person wanted it. So showing skin, and showing a lot of it was their way of telling their parents it is their life. The other two girls were new money, and they reeked of it. They decided to war the biggest dress type they could find. And they looked really far back to find it. The 1500s. It is 6327 A.D., in comparison. Big hoop skirts with petticoats and flounced drawers. Corsets with bodices that pushed their breasts up to their chins. They were made out of older materials, a carbon tubular structure, and they were expensive. Very beautiful, but very impractical. Conner was not sure how they were even going to sit at the table. Or dance, for that matter. They looked like they were heavy and constricting, and he half expected to see fainting couches lining the walls.

Conner, now that the rest of the class was there and milling around, chatting before the meal so he took the moment to go order a drink from the only one in the room who could tell him anything.

While he was walking over to the bar one of the scholarship girls intercepted him, the one wearing the nebula on her dress. Conner knew Cassandra liked him, although he did not think that she knew he knew. He really could not say for sure, though. Now, though, it seemed like the author was up to something, maybe relating her name to an obvious reference to Greek mythology. Even though they might not get it five thousand years into the future we know and understand it now. Maybe she is just trying to avoid Conner ordering a drink, because it is a sort of commentary on a person’s personality. Martinis were Josh’s drink and wine seems too girly. Beer is just too manly a drink, because the author’s readership has some preconceived notions about what kind of man drinks beer. And hard liquor is a just a little hardcore for him.
Cassandra’s eyes were glazed over, and she did not even seem to be looking at Conner, but through him. What could she possibly be seeing? And would Conner even believe her if she told him? Would he even pay attention at all to the words? Conner really did not have a choice at this point.

‘she is going to need you soon, and you her. Joshua’s destiny needs to split from yours for a time. If this is going to be fixed then you need to go away into the woods, into the forest. There will be help from the half – blind among us. Your chances of success are one in three, so do not misstep,’ a shudder passed through her and Conner grabbed her hands to keep her from falling. She came back to herself, looked down, and then blushed from the tip of her chin to the base of her hairline.

‘uh, sorry Conner Ursa. I have these dissociative episodes, and I do not remember what happened, although that is not true to the mythological Cassandra’s plight. The author is modernizing and futurizing it a bit. I did not do anything embarrassing, did I?’ the redness on her face deepened, something Conner would not have expected it to be able to do. He could feel the heat from where he was standing. He still had not let go of her hands though, and he finally realized after all these years that she was beautiful. Conner also knew that she was an intelligent and sweet girl. He pulled her just a little closer.

‘you just told me about your feelings for me,’ Conner lied. She actually managed to blush even deeper, and she looked about ready to start crying and run from the room but Conner kept a good hold on her hands os she could not, ‘I think that is great. I have been trying to find a way to tell you that I feel this way too. Just walking up and announcing it seemed like too much, unless you would like me to?’ Conner asked, then raised his head and took a deep breath.

‘No! no, please do not. I think I would die from the embarrassment. I will tell my friends quietly and let the rumor spread because we both know that even after five thousand years that part of human nature really would not change. I hope you do not mind this way, do you?’ Conner smiled and shook his head. He leaned in slowly, then, and kissed her on the cheek. Then stayed there to whisper in her ear like he was telling her naughty little nothings. He also did it because the music had started, and had started loudly.

‘is there anything I can get you from the bar?’

‘yes, please. A white wine spritzer, please’

‘okay, princess. Your wish is my command. But do not worry if I do not come back right away. I have business with the bartender about my friend, josh. But do not worry, please, because I will make sure to be close at hand for the rest of the night,’ Conner told her. She nodded and released his hands. He let go of hers and watched her walk back over to her friends, who were all giggling and watching him. Conner noticed josh grinning broadly at him and giving a hand gesture of approval. Conner shook his head and turned to the bartender one more time, because the author finally figured out what the hell is his drink and managed to throw in a new and interesting character that may cause problems later. It is a win – win for both sides because Conner might be getting some later in a coat room or something.Even the bartender was staring at him, and out of every one this discomfited Conner the most. One of his eyes were glazed over but the other one seemed to be staring right through him. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and walked over to the beautiful bar that had taken his breath away.

Chapter 10

Writer's Note: This chapter got long, so I'm going to post it in two parts. This first one we get to see how the room for the feast looks. There's little dialogue in it, if there is at all. Enjoy.

‘alright Conner, it is time to get to this stupid function so it can be over with. What kind of food do you think they will be serving? Bugs, snake meat? Do you think they are even provided with the nutritionally balanced and safe food like we are?’ josh asked him. Conner just shook his head, realizing that this was going to be one of those nights where he needed to make double sure that josh did not make an ass of himself when drinking. There was no way for Conner to keep him out of the booze, sadly, but just to keep him from blurting out jude’s plans or his feelings about the gauche southerners. It was never an easy task but it was pay back for what they had done for him.

‘I’m sure they get the same rations as us, and perhaps more because of your gracious presence before the viewing season closes for the Amazon. The Ya̧nomamö insisted that their gods would be displeased if during the most sacred months they ushered a bunch of unbelievers from the north through around their forest so it was allowed for them to refuse tours and visitors. Like josh had said, his father was careful to never step on religious people’s toes. It was a battle he had learned early on, he said, that he could never win. There was no logic so he just refused to touch the subject.

They exited Conner’s room to step on a moving path that would quickly take them to the room that the party was being held in. on the way they studied the shadow boxes on the walls. They all held various flora or fauna that lived in the forest and would supposedly disappear if the forest was cut down. There were a lot of bugs up there, Conner had to admit, but he was pretty sure the Ya̧nomamö did not eat any of them. That was just disgusting.

At one point Conner saw a sign that said all of the walls were made from wood from the forest, that if cut down, would become extinct. It also said that many of the plants in the amazon were medicinal and they would also become extinct if the forest was obliterated.

‘man, they really try to make us believe that if we get rid of the forest then the world is just going to come crashing in around us, do they not?’ josh asked Conner, reading yet another sign that said just how important the forest was to their world, ‘do they realize that if we do level it everything will be moved to preserves around the world. We could even give them jobs to take care of the reserves, if they wanted it. They would be an important asset to the community, not just some big waste like this forest.”

“they believe what they have believed for centuries. They only know the Northerners want to come in and push them out to modernize their society. This group has always wanted to resist that, ever since they were found struggling to survive thousands of years ago. There is not much that has changed over all this time.” Finally they reached the big room where the party was going to be held and realized they had gotten there a little early, but Conner figured josh had done this on purpose. He was consistently early and hated the feeling of being late to anywhere. Conner was just a little more flexible with time, which had gotten him in trouble at school more than once. More than fifty times, actually. Time just passed too quickly for him.

When they walked into the room all of the Ya̧nomamö turned around and stared at him, in some what of a hostile fashion. They were having this party simply because they had to. There was no way to not do it witho out slighting Jude, which would in turn give Jude some sort of leverage. And he did not need much, so they were careful as they had to be. But they were not going to bend over and take it if any more than they had to. Conner knew it, and maybe josh did too, although Conner doubted it. Josh was good at being oblivious of all the things that would help define his relationship with the people but anymore, he more or less cared for the booze he could score at these parties that was not regulated by his father.

“Hey, look, there is a bar here. I am shocked and pleased. I will definitely be giving my word of approval to my father,’ josh announced and wandered over to it and ordered the first of what was probably going to be many martinis that night. Conner’s work began, but josh would not get really sloppy for a bit now. He could tell, though, that the Ya̧nomamö were not relaxed by his somewhat clownish and completely planned clowning around. Conner realized, even if Jude or josh refused to, that these people would probably not be easily tricked.

Conner studied the room, starting with the people around them. The Ya̧nomamö were all wearing darker colors. The ones who were clearly a part of the catering company, along with the people who were not a part of any tribe, feeding the seventeen students were wearing a dark blue shirt and black pants along with black shoes. They all had their hair either tied back or slicked back to prevent their hair falling into the food or on the plates or in the glasses (could that get a little more word padding, I think not. I will not argue with you there, considering I am doing it right here as well). This naturally brought Conner’s eyes to the plate wear (because this whole describing the room is word padding as well because you spend a minimal amount of time on description as possible but that does not really work with the whole novel thing, as you are finding out) which turned out to be somewhat archaic. He was not even aware that any actual glassware existed outside of museums. But here it was, and ready to be eaten off of by him and his peers. It was a classic white, but there were blue vines and flowers painted all over them. Conner was not sure how one washed plates like this and kept what was clearly delicate print (wow, I really am gay, am I not? Seriously, you are describing something that somehow existed until the future that you can not even remember the name of now. And you are a woman) but that was not his job so he decided to ignore it. Every place setting had three sets of glasses as well. One wine glass so wine was obviously going to be served with the supper. Conner wondered if it were going to be a white or red but the author does not know what is going to be served yet except for dark chocolate truffles because that is apparently the favorite food of Conner. Obviously I the author is not really following her own tastes and has no idea, truthfully, what a truffle tastes like for either the mushroom – type variety or chocolate. So maybe we will come back here later and fill in what food was being planned for the massive feast in josh’s honor. And maybe change the main male character’s favorite food to something a little more believable. Beside the wine glass was a champagne flute, which ironically had bubbles trapped in the glass, perhaps to add to the effect of a bubbly drink. The silverware was pretty standard silver, plain in its markings. It was an odd contrast to the opulence of all the other place settings. Oh, and the other glass was a simple tumbler that was filled with water. Conner assumed that it could be changed to juice or milk if there were students who did not drink.
It was a growing movement, perhaps a throwback of an era that was a little more rambunctious. Many of them did not want to end up as their parents had, wanted something better and they believed their parents’ drinking was part of their status in life. Conner straddled the divide between the two philosophies, that of the prohibitionists and those like josh who just really liked drinking (wow, I thought you were trying to avoid single dimension antagonists. Yeah, I know. But I need it for the story so shut up. Maybe it can change in December). Josh liked drinking in part because his father was a prohibitionist and josh generally followed a different philosophy from his father. Conner suspected this was common thing that happened with children. He did not know if it applied in his case, because it was the first proven case in many, many years (just spill the damn beans already. You do not want to pull the kitschy shit that they mock in the anti – guide forum. This is true, but do you really think it is time to divulge your dark secret? I suppose not, but be careful. I saw what you might be setting up with that mention of a scar earlier. Okay, will do.). Usually the screening process for parents caught his parents’ personalities, but his mother had lost her job because the plant had to shut down and it meant that they had to live on much less, especially a lot less booze. This really was not the desired progression of her life and she learned that Conner was an easy target.

Conner also saw that the institution had managed to drag up a crisp, white, linen table cloth and it looked absolutely stunning. He had never actually seen one up close. Over the years they had disintegrated, mostly being made from cotton or other such degradable materials. They really were not prized until they were gone either, like a well that ran dry. Conner did not know exactly where that phrase had originated or what a well was, but he did know that it referred to something sad that had passed. Kind of like the grass is always greener on the other side. It was a really old phrase but there was no way for the grass to be objectively greener on the other side of something unless it got less light and or water. And why would anybody want to skin a cat, if they came down to it? They made absolutely no sense, idiomatic expressions.

The Ya̧nomamö had pulled out all the stops for this party, they had. There were also real candle sticks on the table in silver holders. Conner always had a penchant for fire, so the candle sticks were truly a treat for him. The napkins on the table were even folded into shapes abstractly resembling birds or giraffes or some such animal (idiomatic expressions like ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ survived but not the ancient art of origami, something the Japanese might actually try to keep as part of their culture? :P Thptt) but Conner was not sure. He would be sure to ask someone about that later, though. Sometimes the cultural history of any place east of the once – Europe were a little spotty. They had closed off their culture for so long that some of it had been lost to them, especially historical concepts.

After having studied the table and settings in such detail he rewarded himself by studying the rest of the room in detail. The floors were wood, what appeared to be oak or maple (some light colored wood), which he supposed would be good for the dancing that would happen later. It was a good combination of exercise and socialization that covered for the classes that they would normally be taking for this, and were not allowed to be skipped unless a doctor deemed you unfit to participate in one or the other or both, while still allowing us to have more leisure time than normal. Most also liked it so it was a win – win – win situation.

The walls were a medium wood, which seemed to be the preferred building material here, with gold inlays up at the top instead of a molding that would normally be present in these older styles of housing, because apparently Conner is very interested in classical decorating. If we are going that far, there was a simple molding at the base of the wall, a thin block of wood that was curved at the top to look less harsh. The ceiling is a gloss white with out that popcorn shit that was so popular in the twenty first century.

The bar was a piece of beauty. It was made from a material Conner understood – steel. His absolute favorite. I do not really have an explanation as to why stainless, shiny steel makes him so hot, but I wanted to get my word count up for the night. It would be more impressive if the bar was made of teak, even though that is the third type of wood I have packed into this room. Apparently wood makes me hot. Excuse the double entendre; it was unintentional but I am unapologetic.

So the bar is made of teak, or mahogany, or cedar, whichever happens to look better when I construct the colors of the room in patches in December. The front, if there were stools, would normally be a leg well but this bar had not been constructed with seating in mind. Even more glassware was sitting on the shelves. The top row held champagne flutes, under that were wine glasses, below that highball and on the bottom were regular eight ounce drinking glasses. Based on where the bartender pulled out josh’s glass they had a freezer on the other side where they storied the martini glasses to keep them cold. Josh would be pleased. He called himself a connoisseur and a frozen glass was a necessary start. Everything else was negotiable except for good alcohol.

Chapter 9

Writer's Note: Here we learn in a little more detail how I picture Conner and Josh. Sorry, I've been gone so long. Life's been rough in its own special way. Not much to say here today.

Conner had just woken up from the required afternoon rest feeling pumped for the night ahead and definitely ready for the feast that was to come. Wherever Josh went there was a feast to celebrate his being Jude’s son. Conner always had to be there to make sure that Josh did not do or say anything rash. He was okay with that, because it meant that he got to attend all of the functions. Josh hated them. That is not to say Josh did not enjoy the attention, he just wished for it to be because of what he had done. His accomplishments. No one else’s. however it was not something he could turn down politely so he attempted to suffer through them with mixed results. Especially since he had discovered a penchant for gin martinis. Conner would have thought it was a little too rough for Josh, but he liked the clean and complex taste and the fact that it only took two or three to get him drunk. Four he started getting shit faced. Which, truthfully, was his entire goal. He could say whatever the hell he wanted then, and damn the consequences until the next morning. He got horrible hangovers but what he managed to say before Conner could usher him from the room politely. He once told an entire room of board trustees that they could suck his … well, you get the idea. That stunt nearly cost their votes for Jude’s latest program, what ever the hell it happened to be at the time. Jude bitched Conner out and assigned him as a permanent nursemaid.

Conner walked over to the mirror and considered his outfit. He had chosen darker colors tonight because the Ya̧nomamö were leading the party and they preferred demure clothing and actions. They were the second – most important force in stopping the demolition of the rain forest. It was their ancestral home and they had been one of the last tribes to move out of it. They never really did. They were the ones who ran the showings of the edge of the forest and were still a massive political party to reckon with and Jude had been having problems with them. Conner needed to make a good impression, as did Josh.

He had chosen a dark maroon shirt that contrasted nicely with his blue eyes and black pants. His shoes were a typical male’s black. Nothing too flashy, not like some of the other parties, like the one where he went in a fig leaf. He lost a dare on that one, but usually he preferred brighter colors. Rich oranges and reds. Sometimes yellow, although Josh always says it makes him look too pale and he always told him he should have been born a peacock. Conner always countered that peacocks were not all that bright, their main color being a darker blue and green. He much preferred the birds of paradise, both the animal and the bird. The birds’ complex mating dance was an allegory but that was not something he talked about, not anymore. It had mostly been forgotten by any he had told as well.

It was not visible right now, but he knew the scar from a childhood fight with Josh ran down his chest, from just under his left pectoral muscle to just above his hip bone on the right side. Another scar, much more recent than the childhood one and one of the reasons he was under Jude’s custody was on the other side of his body, his back. It ran from his middle back to over his left shoulder blade. It ached constantly from the humidity of the rain forest, but there was nothing the doctors could do to fix that and Conner refused to have it removed. It reminded him why he could never go back, and why he had to deal with Jude’s programs and schedules. It reminded him why he owed and why he would never owe again. Below all of that he had a strong and long figure that was paler than most today. For that he was mercilessly teased but there was nothing he could do about his ancestor’s choices in marriage and procreation. All of the students were surprised when Josh, who was a little dark for the time, took him under his wing as first years in school. After that they had become fast friends. Conner had blue eyes and dark brown hair to top everything off, with a wide nose and larger lips and defined cheekbones. He was pretty average except for his eyes and skin coloring.

At that moment Joshua walked into the room and Conner mockingly saluted him, earning him a scowl like he had planned. Past all the mocking, conner studied Josh. He looked pale under his darker skin, as odd as that sounded. He was also wearing ‘peacock’ colors – a jewel-ish blue with dark green pants. Conner knew that Jude had requested he try to make friends with the Ya̧nomamö and wearing the wrong colors was not going to do that. Perhaps he believed this was a way of rebelling and showing who was boss, but Jude still needed them to sign over the rights to the Amazon before he could demolish it. He was also wearing these shoes that the name of were eluding Conner. They were green and red and the toe curled around and had a bell on the end of. Jester’s shoes, that was it. Why the hell was he wearing those? Some sort of statement?
Josh came and stood next to him in the mirror. Conner studied how differently they looked. While Conner was tall and compact Josh was a more medium build. He did not spend any extra time in the gym, either, so he was not as firm, but not out of shape. (Firm? Firm? He is not as firm as me? That just sounds so gay. Wait, no. You are not thinking of making me gay. Well, it did cross my mind. Or at least bi sexual, that way you can still form a sexual relationship with Lisha. Gah, I thought characters were supposed to have a mind of their own. You do. I do not feel that you would be nearly as protective of Joshua if you did not have some sort of attraction to him. It also allows me to get to describe him with out ‘guy code’ getting in the way of perfectly good plot development.) He had an intense look, with sharp cheekbones, a thin nose and defined jaw with a pair of dark brown eyes. In all the years they had come to protect each other from things. Conner was mocked for how he looked and Josh for who was his father. Conner walked over to the window to stare out at the forest beyond it. In a rough way, it was quite beautiful. Especially at night, now that he looked.

Then he saw something that took him back just a little. What seemed to be a girl climbing up into a kapok tree. Just as suddenly as he saw her, he could not anymore. From what he could remember there was long, black hair and a thin body. He had some of the best sight in his year, according to the tests this year. Was it just wishful thinking, though, or an actual person living in the forest? If so, then Josh was right as usual. However, this meant a whole new level of complication for Jude and Josh. It meant that their plans were probably not going to be able to go forth. It had been five thousand years since the reinhabitation of the forest. If there were really people who survived then they would have formed societies by now, reproduced and maybe forgotten the whole reason why they moved in. Perhaps this girl was only a Ya̧nomamö who had taken the thought of protecting the Amazon too far and who was an outcast anyway so she was sent out there, maybe to die maybe to make a point. That had to be it.

‘Josh, you have not heard anything about the Ya̧nomamö sending a girl out to live in the forest, have you?’ Conner asked him, hoping he would know something Conner did not.

‘nope, but when would they tell us anything? As bad as the freaking Sherpa that way. Why do you ask?” josh said, coming over next to Conner at the window now.

‘no reason. I was just wondering if they would ever do that. It could not be an easy life, and could perhaps be a death sentence. You could use that as fuel for you father’s campaign,’ Conner answered, lying. He did not know why, but there was no way he would tell josh about what he might have just seen then (perhaps that is because you want to leave that part for another time. Make things more interesting. Josh would not divulge that his father is planning to demolish the forest no matter if they could get the Ya̧nomamö to agree or not. Hush, you.) It was time for the party, anyways.

Chapter 8

Writer's Note: This is the last time we're with Lisha for a while. I really concentrate on Conner after this, partly because there is only so much I can do with her being by herself and in the woods. I already had to break down and put in a pet for her to rescue. I also think I broke the record for the use of the word "monkey" in one paragraph. A few notes for ease when reading: ignore the fourth wall and there is a journal entry at the end. It's denoted by a different typeface.

“Stay there little birdie, do not you go flying off,” I muttered under my breath. The trogon considered me while I slowly raised my blow gun near my mouth and aimed. One quick puff of air and a dart through the neck and I had some meat for the night. I had spent the entire day trying to find some sort of plant to tide me over but now I could feast with the bird and what I had gathered. As I was gathering up the body of the trogon I noticed a whimpering animal at the base of the same tree – a fallen spider monkey making small monkey noises.

“What happened to you, little guy?” I said as I picked up the tiny little body and turned it over so I could see the coloring. Mostly black, with a white mane of fur around the head and face that, even as a baby, looked old and wizened and wise.

“Spider monkey, what are you doing on the ground out of your tree? If I remember correctly this is not normal spider monkey behavior,” I sad in a low voice to the terrified baby. Then I found it: slowly bleeding cuts on one of his arms, “oh, did you get attacked by an owl?” I considered my options. Spider monkeys were tasty and hard to get. They were small and quick and knew that trees blocked darts. Hey enjoyed mocking hunters until even the best were throwing their blow – guns to the ground and stomping away, defeated, they were considered a delicacy, and it would be more of a treat that the trogon.

I looked at the damage on the poor thing’s arm and considered my options.
Okay seriously Jackie? I did not complain when you started capitalizing random nouns and adjectives but now you are adding a freaking monkey? Seriously?
Hey hey hey, there will be a future reason for the freaking monkey. Maybe it will help bring you to an injured Conner. Maybe it will be able to get through some vents or through the bars on a jail cell.
Uh huh, sure. Because in the, what, seventy fifth century they would not have figured out how to not have bars but a solid wall? And why would I need to be brought to Conner? Is he running into the forest? Will it be after he

“You know, you wouldn’t be more than a mouthful, you are so tiny. Not nearly enough to be worth the skinning I would have to do, and I do not need any hide right now and I’m pretty sure I could fix this. Na made sure to include needles and some cat gut for stitches. The twine would probably do far more damage than the actual cuts,” I muttered to myself, rising with two tiny bodies in my hands, one far more than I had ever expected to have.

‘I suppose I will have to gather some more fruit for you. What I am I doing little spider monkey? Am I crazy? I can barely keep myself alive and fed out here. How does anybody survive by themselves? I mean, look at me! I am talking to a monkey, somewhat expecting it to talk back, and taking it back to stitch together some of its wounds I’m going to be giving it food from my own mouth. I really am going crazy, are not I?’ I asked the bundle in my hands, considering. Well, if I were going insane I might as well do it right and fully, not half – way.

‘ I think I will name you Samantha. I think you are a girl, at least. We will go with you being a girl, alright?’ I could be hallucinating, but I think I saw Samantha’s head nod … no, just her shifting to find a comfortable spot.

Are you going where I think you are going? A talking monkey?
Only certain hand signals a few voice ones. I like the idea of monkeys evolving over the five thousand years. Just shove it up creationists asses. Mua haha.
Okay, creepy villain laugh is kind of scary coming from you, even through text.
I will try to stop but I make no promises.

‘well, we are almost home. Home being a place up in the trees. It is always safer up above things, if you can be. I know there are still the poisonous bugs up there too, but I am above the ground crawlers and the birds can not see me as well there, ironically. But I guess you and yours know that, is not that why you rarely come down. I am sorry, but there are not any fruit trees nearby, that is a flaw and maybe someday soon I will move to a ripe part of the forest. It is almost time for that anyways, because you do not want the cats to figure out where you sleep during the day. I know you are mostly a day time animal, but so am I. That might have to change, because there is no way we can survive by sleeping at night. That is when all the predators are out. In good conscience I can not let you get eaten just as I managed to find you and try to fix you. That just is not an option,’ I babbled to the now sleeping Samantha. I realized that she was asleep and everything was coming out of my mouth and got it to shut for a time. Living by myself had made me realize just how much I could miss the company of people. I had hated all my time in the tribe, always being mocked and little, snippy comments passed about me and Mentor’s supposed sexual relationship. How hilarious that is now. Mentor is my father, was my father. There was nothing there, not like what they thought. Now I would never have either type of those relationships. Mentor was forever lost to me and the teachings are that there is nothing past these forests other than monsters and wars and oceans for the rest of the earth. I had never put much stock in them but that was when I was safe and cozy in my hut, not dancing at the edge. Everything seemed possible and scary here. There was nobody to look out for me, like Na had and nobody to talk with and no time to study the plants. There was no time to build a hut, even in the trees, forcing me to move from tree to tree and to stay fairly covered in mud to make sure my scent did not stick where I did not want it to.

‘We are here, little Samantha. I know it is not much, but it is a safer place to sleep than on the ground bleeding. I am sorry, but you are going to have to wake up and hold on to me while I get us up there. I ill build a sling tomorrow to get you up there with out having to be in pain but for tonight this is how it has to go. Come on, now,’ Samantha put her arms around my neck where I was holding her and I slid her around so she was half – laying on the back of my neck and her little arms made a fuzzy and warm necklace around my throat. I managed to get up the tree with out her falling off, for which I was grateful. There was a tense moment when I had to turn upside down to be able to swing onto my normal branch when I felt her hands slipping but I got us both up with out any more moments to panic in.

‘Home sweet home, Samantha. It is not much, but it is what we both now have. Now let me find my kit and get you fixed up, alright?’ I said to her and started rummaging around in my pack for the gut string and finally found my fingers meet the leaf they were wrapped in.
‘here we are, baby, got the string. Suppose the needles are in here too?” I asked and opened it up. Both were in there and I got to work stringing it, ‘I think you are probably going to be needing ten or twelve stitches total. Six on this big one here and three on the other two, going by one stitch per three centimeters. Now, this is going to hurt so if you are able to pass out, now would be the best time. I will rub a little anesthetic from this leaf here on it but that will not last long, it never does. Maybe through one stitch. And I can not put more on there; otherwise there could be tissue damage. And we would not want that, there would be no point to put the stitches in there if we just go and ruin it otherwise. I am sorry, but I can not make a fire either. There is just no way to do that in a tree and alerting every animal from here to the far side that we are here and perhaps easy pickings. Because, truthfully, we are amazingly easy pickings.’
I threaded the needle and looked down at the creature who was staring up at me with trust in its eyes. I had saved her from certain death and the abandonment of her troop. In many ways she was me. I could not leave her behind now, no way.

‘alright, little baby, like I said, this is going to hurt,’ I warned her and rubbed the broken leaf over the deepest cut and she whimpered a little but stopped when the numbness set in. I stuck the needle through as quick as possible and managed to get two stitches set before it wore off. Somehow, I am not sure how, but she seemed to understand, though, that it was for her own good and tried to not make more noises than necessary. When I was finished with all three cuts I gave her a small lick of the powder that is supposed to help a person go to sleep. Samantha is so much smaller I was afraid of giving her too much but she would be in so much pain from the stitches and sleep was needed to allow her to heal. She would naturally want to try to work them out or scratch them and that would just make the worse as well. I pulled out my journal to pass the time and to keep awake to watch over Samantha until morning, when I could maybe sleep safely. It was time to describe my new home as well.

I just moved into this tree yesterday. Kapok, I believe. It took forever to scrape off all the thorns on the branch but it is the biggest of some of the surrounding trees and thus safer. It’s also harder to climb for the cats. The trunk is huge! I had to carve out some hand – holds. I know this is not necessarily fair to the tree, but at the moment I’m considering myself more important. Mentor would slap me but I’m the one stuck out by myself in the wilderness without a tribe to help me. He’s dead too, so he can kiss my ass. He doesn’t need to feed himself and now a spider monkey. Back to the tree, it is flowering now so there are all these little white flowers hanging down. It is beautiful in its own way, but it makes me wonder why they grow down. Does this help with pollination? Or is it just because of the way the pods need to grow? We did not have many kapok trees near the tribe so I never got to study them in detail and I will not get to now either. There are many other kapok surrounding us along with a few flowering abiu and ilama trees. There would not be fruit around here for another two weeks so Samantha and I will have to find trees that actually have fruits farther from the house. I am not sure if that is good or bad at this moment. Only time will tell. I can hear the night life coming up around me. There goes the quiet time that I crave every day, when there are few predators around and you can see the smallest prey scampering around the lower foliage. I can see some snakes wandering around the trees as well but so far none have come near me. They make good food as well so this is bittersweet. As far as I know I am at the edge, or very nearly the edge, of the forest. Although I wonder that there is not more forest past this break that is only a few hundred meters away because I can see lights at night. However there might be a large group of some bio – luminescent animals or even just a trick of my imagination. I can not be sure until I was to investigate, but to tell the truth I am a little afraid to cross that clearing. It was always the one thing I believed in the teachings. There were always trees as far as I could see or travel with in a day, or even the odd two. And I never went in the direction past the Orin, not for long. The Orin were my one true love, so there was no reason. I did find and capture several lizards and bugs that lived in the plants that were growing around and on them but not much more than that. But now, I do not know. I just can not. And I am too afraid to find out. Perhaps I was foolish to have left the tribe.

Chapter 7

Writer's Note: I just realized, this is the first time we meet my MMC, Conner. Have fun getting to know him and his friend Josh.

“And this here is the edge of the forest,” the tour guide announced through a toothy smile.
“Think they paid him for all the dental work?” Conner muttered to Joshua. They snickered and earned a glare from the tour guide with the five - star smile. They let the silence stay for a few minutes while the guide droned on about the flora. Neither would want it reported back to Joshua’s father that they had been slacking and goofing off while at the biggest sight of historical proportions left on the face of the Earth.
“So do you think there really are people living in there somewhere?” Josh asked.
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?” Conner asked then considered for a moment, “you know, I doubt it. How would they find food? And are there not supposed to be wild animals in there like jaguars and poisonous animals and plants? I do not see how anyone could survive. What do you think?”
“I dunno. Humans are pretty ingenious bastards; there might still be survivors out there,” Josh said with a sweeping gesture.
“If that is true then your father is going to be screwing over a lot of people, do not you think?” Conner asked.
“Not at all. The world needs that space and my father has figured out a way to produce oxygen and filter out carbon dioxide without the use of trees. He has even managed to get pollination plants up and running so we no longer need to worry about that either. These Tree – Huggers really need to get with the forty fifth century,” Joshua claimed, nodding to himself. He could be as preachy and sanctimonious as his father when he started talking of the Program. But he really believed in it and Conner could not blame him for that.
Truthfully, it was amazing. The whole reason why they were on this trip to freaking Brazil right now was the fact that the trees could not be cut down without strangling the entire rest of the world in a few months. Over the years most of the underwater fauna had been killed by the chemicals companies had insisted on dumping into the oceans so the bulk of their oxygen had come from the trees and oxygen plants that they could wrangle. But Joshua’s father, Jude, had down what everyone had thought to be impossible, to be able to safely separate oxygen from carbon molecules in limestone and then be able to control the carbon once it’s back outside to have the ocean bind errant oxygen with the carbon again to start the process over. It was not a forever fix, but it would last everyone a while. A couple thousand years if the government continued to limit the number of children every couple could have.
“Really, Joshua, who are we to tell them what is moral or immoral for them? Or not prudent? If, as you claim, they have managed to survive all this time then who are we to tell them that they are out of date or that they need to change their entire view on the world? Is not one of your father’s basic tenements that we are not here to change anyone? If they want to keep their religion or old, superstitious beliefs that’s entirely up to them. He just provides a service,” Conner asked Joshua a few minutes later. He loved playing the opposing side to Joshua just to see him get riled up. At first he could usually hold it together and debate civilly but after a time, when the harder questions started coming and he did not have a white answer to give to the black question he became insanely frustrated and lashed out. Conner was the only one in their year who could manage to stay friends with Joshua for this long.
“I see what you are doing there, Conner. Stop it; I do not want to get in trouble with Mrs. Silva today. She has been watching us like a hawk this entire time and I think she can smell when you are trying to rile me up,” Joshua muttered out of the corner of his mouth. Conner glanced over at her and saw what Josh was talking about. She had set her sights on them and would not look away until they had moved apart for a time. Conner took the hint and found another person to stand by and another plaque to not pay attention in front of. Josh always had been the natural – born leader of the two of them. Conner made a nice beta to his alpha, though. Always the one who made sure the plans came through but never had to stand in front of the camera. Never to be in the line of fire if things went wrong. The one who doesn’t really have to believe in the cause to be a part of it. The only time Conner ever really minded it was when he could tell his testosterone levels were up and the aggression and need to succeed made him a little angry that he could never be in the spot light for a few seconds. Then he came to his senses and recognized for the thousandth time why. He never really believed in anything with the passion Joshua always seemed to be able to gather when he or his father came out with a new idea or invention.
It was Jude and Josh who had gotten the people to get behind policies such as the Nanny Restrictions, where nannies were no longer allowed to nurture a child from birth. They managed to get the population of North and South America to support laws saying that with a birth of a child the mother and the father had to take a mandatory year off to raise the child and nurture it. Yes, Jude’s father and grandfather had been working on changing the public view on that for years before this but Jude actually got the law to pass. Somehow he got the men of the countries to go past the old views on patriarchy and machismo and see how much it actually helped the child. Jude had actually managed to overcome certain biological programming to get this law passed, and Josh was right behind him every step of the way. In many ways it was his victory just as much as Jude’s.
Everything they had managed to convince people to do was for their good, thankfully. Conner had no doubt that at least half of America would follow Jude into a lion’s den because they thought he was the son of God. Everything that comes out of his mouth goes into their secret diaries at night, as far as Conner and Josh’s hacking got that one night, before they were caught by Jude. The three months punishment work in helping the permanently hospitalized for some of the entries these people make.
“While some people may argue that we have no leg to stand on with trying to tell people we have not seen for five thousand years that they have to come back into our society and be freaking productive members, which they have not been doing all this time, I do not believe that it’s so wrong of us to say that. They can not understand that things have changed out here; me and my father did that. We made it so we no longer need the forest to give us oxygen or to house the wild animals. We have preserves in high – rises to do that now. We need this land to build up on though and this is just taking up useless space,” Josh whispered to Conner at the sign detailing a certain flower that had cured boils or something. Conner smiled just a bit. He had been waiting for this moment. Josh never could resist a good debate. Or any bait Conner might throw out.
“That still does not answer how it is moral that we force them to take on our belief system. How do we know, and who are we to say from our uninformed stance, that our way is the only way and the only right way?”
“Well, my father would say that we are really not trying to do that. If they wanted, we could move them into a preserve and keep the option open for their re-socialization open always for them and their children,” Josh answered. Conner waited. Whenever Josh specifically said that his father would be of an opinion he needed time to formulate his own, different one. Conner found it a good sign when Josh had a different opinion from Jude. It meant that he had his own thoughts and beliefs and wasn’t just following some rote script hidden on their hard drive somewhere or worse, that he was like Conner and had no true convictions but just followed the silver spoon that was being yanked around by dear old pa.
“I know that this is against one of the major credos but I think we do have the right to tell them that our way is right and theirs is wrong. It is a question of empirical facts. We have an average expected life span for both males and females together of ninety six. Our cancer rates are extremely low, and are only plummeting. They are expecting there to be zero spontaneous cases within ten years and I think that is actually a pessimistic view. The birthrate is stable and we only lose one or two full term fetuses in the entire world in a year. Everyone is literate. Women and men are finally equal, as are any races that might still exist in certain, small pockets. We have a global power, language and open market. No country is richer than the other. Our food is filling, tasty and nutritious and we do not need to use real animals for our protein. We have obliterated malnutrition, auto immune deficiency syndrome, the flu and cold and several other illnesses that used to plague us. If we look at all of that I do not see another conclusion to come to – things are appreciably better. We can tell them this and show them it. No matter what those damn Purists say.”
“While that may be true, with the lengths that the tree huggers go to, I wonder that they are more of a religion than a different society though. Which even you say is acceptable because it is not based on empiricism or any form of proof other than intuitional. They will not accept any old evidence to prove to them that what they believe is wrong, if you ever could get them to change their minds. And you know that you could not. They devoted their lives to this, and those of at least a hundred generations. They staked their entire view of the world on this. We have no right to meddle in such belief,” Conner countered in a low voice, smiling just a bit. What happened next shocked him to the core.
“Well, Conner, I do not know how to counter that just yet. Give me some time to think that over before I answer you, okay?” Josh asked. Conner nodded on the outside, ever the obedient second. Inside though, he was yelling “halleluiahs” to the heavens. Once, just once in his long friendship he managed to make Josh speechless. He came out on top for once. For whatever reason – perhaps Josh was fatigued from the traveling or being in the real sun and unregulated and high heat all day – but Conner had gotten him to say he needed to think up a reply.“All right. We will talk about this again later. Hey, it looks like the group is going back to the hotel. That means extra feast foods and unnecessary flavors, such as chocolate. You know that the dark truffles are my favorite and we only get them once a year at Christmas normally. Then tonight we get to go star viewing. They say that it is the clearest of any part of the world down here so we have an afternoon rest to get through as well today,” Conner said to Josh and led them back to the year’s monorail bike transport.

Chapter 6

Writer's note: Remember all those journal entries at the beginning? That stupid style rears its ugly head again. I try to avoid this style, because I sporadically use it a lot and try to avoid it because it seems so over-used. But it works in here, so we'll just accept it for what it is.

They followed after me, as I knew they would. Na was careful to make sure I was always far enough ahead to outrun them. I’m still the fastest runner of the entire tribe. They managed to give me a three day head start, in which I was able to bury my sacrificial clothing and find all of the tricks she had stuffed into my pack. There was clothing and food that was hearty and would keep me going until I could find someplace to make camp and build my own stores. She also managed to line every bit she could with my throwing daggers and darts for my blow gun, two skinning daggers with their matching leg sheaths, fire - starting tools, and the blow gun of course. I have to admit, I do like that you remembered that they use blow guns in the rainforest until the shot gun came around. Even a bow and arrow might be a little awkward, and not nearly as true to the area. Bow and arrow was not as prevalent in South America, I do not think. Beneath the pack hung my bedroll and even more darts with a jar of poison to tip any new ones with. I set out to find a place to set up a new home for myself.
Truthfully, I do not understand why I keep this journal yet, or even why Na included it. But it is here and I have nothing to do at night except count the stars. I think I finally found the edge of the forest. I will be safe here. No tribe comes this far. Please God, if you have not disowned me keep me safe.

Chapter 5

Writer's Note: Yep. It's going. Here's the next chapter. It's a longer one, just a warning. If there's any fourth wall break-throughs please ignore them. I need words and they could be interesting. If you've read the Bartameous Trilogy then it's kind of like that. There are also no more contractions and "not" is kind of funny in some ways and I didn't bother to correct it in some cases.

“Elishama, it is time to wake up,” a voice cut through my nightmare of drowning. My hand found the pearly white throat above me that was whispering my true name. Nobody but Mentor and Na knew it, and Mentor was dead. Na would not tell. She was duty bound as Head to never tell.
“Sama, how do you know what I am called by those who I trust and love?” I asked. Then it came back to me. My fingers slipped from the strangle hold and she fell to the floor, coughing and retching.
“I really did agree to be a Sacrifice,” I said and she nodded and a string of muttered curses followed, “at least it made the damned birds go away.”
“I do not know of any birds, damned or otherwise, but I was sent in here to feed and bathe you. The Sacrifice will happen in a week and a halves time and you are to be well fed, bathed and rested for the night,” she told me, sitting me up for the fist time in a week.
“So, will I be committing incest in a week and a halves time?” I asked, and the rag stilled on my back.
“No, no you will not. Ri never told you his last name, did he? It was Reed.”
“So not only did I lose my Mentor, I lost my father. My father. This is too much. An orphan for twenty years of my life then I find out my mother is a Beloved and I lived in my father’s house for so many years of my life and he never told me.” I began to laugh silently, head thrown back in a parody of humor, with tears streaming down my face. Sama let me laugh and cry myself out, until I was gagging.
“As the leader of the Beloved, I am duty bound to instruct you on what is going to happen. The day of the sacrifice, we will all come in and eat and bathe with you. That night, at the feast you will sit among the Priests but the one who will perform his duty first will be on your right and will be in physical contact the entire feast. He will feed you many delicacies thought to be aphrodisiacs. After that he will take you to your new home hut, where you will be sacrificed. You do know what that entails, correct? I assume you do at twenty,” I nodded, “After that you will join us as a full member. As a woman who is extending the offering of all past and present Beloved, do you wish for the drug that let’s you escape your body and feel no pain, know no entry?”
“I do not,” I said strongly, “I will know and feel exactly what is going on. I have never allowed anything to befuddle my senses, even when getting stitches or a bone set. I will do this with the dignity and strength of my Warrior upbringing, and the only dignity I can give myself on that night.” Sama nodded, surprised.
“I believe you are the fist to refuse,” she said.
“I will not leave myself to avoid pain.”

“Come, women, let us usher another to be a Beloved,” called Sama to the others. They entered with simple yet sumptuous foods and teas, along with bathing tubs and pitchers of hot water. I would not be the only one visited tonight, and they needed to look and smell their best.
I joined the festivities stony faced. From everything I had heard the other Priests were a good lot, who truly believed in the cause. They were gentle and were good at pleasing the women as well as themselves. Das was not like that in the least. He enjoyed causing pain and leaving himself behind in a woman and on her. All understood my lack of joviality but were overjoyed at the fact they got to interact with the tribe again. I could not fault them.
Sometimes I wonder if it is all the sexual repression you have had to endure to make you write all these sex or rape scenes. Seriously, every freaking story.
Hey, shut up. There is nothing I can do about it and this is plausible. You know it is, otherwise I would not write it in.
Fine, I will give you that. It is just curious, though.
“It is time to go ladies,” called a Warrior who was to escort us. Sama walked up to me and gripped my shoulders.
“Are you sure that you do not wish for the drug?” she asked, and all heads turned to me in shock. I suppose Sama had not told them of my decision.
“I am sure of it. Let us proceed to our reward,” I told them and gestured to the door and the Warrior. I was supposed to exit last. They nodded and filed through the door.
When I stepped through the door I flinched — it was the fist time I had seen sun in weeks. A hand gripped my elbow and helped me step forward blindly. When my eyes adjusted I noticed it was Na. If anyone would have noticed my hesitation it would’ve been the birds and the hut again. She had saved me once again.
“It is time for the dancing,” announced Das, with whom I had spent a very uncomfortable feast with him pressed against me and feeding me my most hated foods. I was forced to eat off his fingers or end up back in the hut.
“Let us be merry,” declared the Priest to my left. It was traditionally the time the sacrifice was taken off and used. I felt the tug at my arm and heard the giggles and crude jokes of all those who watched us go. They were pleased it was me, and that their daughters were safe for another year. Betrothals could be made in that time, new pairs created so they were forever safe from the far reaching arms of God.

“Finally, finally I get to have you. You are mine, I get to take you,” he muttered, throwing me on to the bed. Hurriedly he started stripping down and that was when I noticed something that snapped my memory back to that night. He was one of those Priests who wore pieces of wood on his feet in order to give penance for his sins. It explained those weird tracks by the Orin and the fact that he reached Mentor before me or the Warriors. He couldn’t run fast with those blocks. He rarely walked anymore. My anger, seething at this moment around my plans burst forth. I icily stared him in his fevered eyes.
Wow, this is so anti climatic in so many ways. There should have been so much more build to this but nope. One paragraph, that is all you give it. Omg, you killed my father. I must now punish you.
Shut up. Maybe I can give it more justice in December.
And I icily stared him in his fevered eyes? How much more purple could that prose get? Seriously.
Okay, let’s just get back to the story, m ‘kay?
“You killed my father,” I accused. He stopped cold and his eyes narrowed.
Just saying, sounds like a line from Star Wars.
“Yes, I killed Ri, and now I am taking the last thing that was special to him. His daughter. Now strip,” I did not move, which was not nearly quickly enough for him. He leapt onto me, tearing at my robes. The training the Warriors had given to me came in handy. I brought my legs up between us and pushed him off, kicking at all the soft parts I could reach. I managed to connect with his gut and he curled around the point. Next, I yanked the garroting wire from its hiding place and pulled it tight around his throat, dragging him back to the bed and wrapping the wire around the posts. I quickly ripped strips from the blankets and tied the rest of him down and gagged him. I watched as he struggled like a fish on a line, pulling the wire tighter and tighter about his neck, blood soaking into the sheets. When he finally stopped, exhausted from lack of air and blood loss I stood and pulled out my knife that I had hidden so long ago. His eyes widened at the sight of it.
“Oh yes, you thought that I was helpless and lost, did you not? Truthfully I could have managed to subdue you without the weapons but this is so much more painful and long lasting for you. Anyways, I managed to sneak these weapons out under everyone’s noses and now I’m going to prove to you that some people are never prey. There are some people you can not break or control. Now I will leave the marks on your skin so everybody knows what you are,” I told his pale, shocked face, and then carved his hated name into the skin of his forehead — J-U-D-A-S.
“Now everyone can know you are a treacherous bastard who would sell the son, or daughter, of God for his own selfish pleasure. For one day the Orin may rise again to avenge their daughter. Your head, that is a gift from me, but what I am going to do next, is a gift from God and from the Beloved for all the pain you’ve caused women over these many, many years. It has not gone unnoticed, Judas,” I told him, and then cut his pants off his body. His member was shriveled and tucked as far up as possible. Das began to struggle again like a madman, attempting to break free before I cut him open.
SERIOUSLY!? What the fuck, dude? What the fuck.
I am writing a sort of vengeance in for all the women who have been raped. It makes sense.
“Now, now Das, the more you struggle the more likely it is for me to accidentally cut it off,” he fell deathly still instantly, “besides, you are obviously enjoying it. I mean, does not ‘no’ mean ‘yes’? Does not your struggling mean that you want it more? People, especially men, know that pain makes pleasure. That is what you told all those poor girls whose bodies only tried to keep her out of more pain.” I started cutting and he screamed as loudly as possible around his gag. It was not enough to alert anyone outside though. His back arched from the pain, the only possible writhing he could allow himself to do to keep me from “slipping”. I finished the last ring and stepped back, admiring my handiwork when I heard a hiss at the door. I turned and saw all the Beloved at the hut door, waiting for me. I turned back to Das, walked over and punched both his ears. His eyes rolled back into his head and he was out.
Now, I know that is a good way to knock some one out but it just writes awkwardly. I do not know how to fix that, but you need to find one. Obviously, since you are the writer here.
“You did not kill him, did you?” Sama asked me once we reached the woods beyond the village. I found out they had their own secret passageways, which was good as they all glowed in the dark with their white clothing and skin.
“No I did not,” I told them and saw a few looked crestfallen, “I know, it has been said that I am a murderer but I have never done it, and will avoid it at all costs. If you are worried about him harming you just tell him that as daughters of God and the Orin you are protected. Besides, he should not be able to get it up again around all the pain of the scars that will bind his member,” I said and smiled at them, “all of you have the strength to stop anyone who would try to hurt you. Do not ever hesitate to call on the Warriors either. They are there to protect you but can not if you do not say anything to them.”
“Speaking of Warriors, the Head sent this with us to give to you. She said to tell you there is long trip provisions and all the weaponry that you’ll need,” Sama undoubtedly repeated Na’s words to me, handing over the pack.
“Thank you for passing this on, and extend my gratitude to the Head. She is as much my friend as all of you are,” I told them.
“Run far and fast. I do not know how long we can keep this quiet. Bury those blood – stained clothes as deep as you can as well. Go with grace and courage. Do not worry about us; we know how to deal with men like Das, especially now that you have taken him down a few pegs. One last question, how did you know the things he had said and done to us? None of us told anybody outside of our group,” Sama asked, and I could see the question burning in the blushes on all of their faces.
“I had many sleepless nights, Beloved. The tribe did not like me or Ri so we would do most of our work in the dark, solitude and quiet of night. It is amazing how well sound travels across silence. I just wish I could have helped you sooner.” They all came up and kissed me goodbye. Sama was the last one. She reached up and kissed me the way a mother does, in the middle of the forehead right under the hairline. Over my internal jubilation I heard the gasps. All of the Beloved now knew the truth. It burned deep in my gut that just as I found my family I lost them, but I knew I must leave. My story must become legend. I turned and disappeared in the trees. Before the turned and left I called to them.
“No more should he be known as Priest, but only as Judas. He may keep his position but no longer have the power it grants him. May he live the rest of his live celibate and in true devotion to his God that he fears. When he dies, spread his ashes to the Orin and spread my story to the other Beloved and Warriors. May the always know who to protect.” With that I ran away from my home of twenty years.How wonderfully epic. And kind of a rip off from batman, do you think? She needs to become a legend. How sweet and freaking epic.

Chapter 4

Writer's Note: Not much to say. Nanowrimo continues. I continue to try to write this story. Up to chapter 10 now.

“Please clear the way, Warrior,” I heard outside the tent flap and he walked in. I was still sitting on the floor staring passively at the wall.
“I like you in that position,” he said, and came to stand in front of me in a dominant posture, showing me who had the male parts who did not, “Until you bow down to the Orin, you need to denounce your belief that the Orin are bones and are truly a threat to you and your people. I suspect that should come sooner rather than later, after your Mentor died at the feet of one.”
“So you’re not content to only ruin my body, but you must also break my mind. I will never bow down to you or your Orin. They are nothing but dead to me,” I answered, deadpan. He drew back and slapped me, hard enough to whip my head to the side. The Warrior posted outside my door burst through and saw me sitting on the floor, Das standing over me with a handprint on my face.
“It is now time for you to leave, honored Priest,” he told him, gripping his bone axe.
“No, I will not be ordered around by some lowly brute with a few weapons. I have God on my side.”
“Honored Priest, you are fully aware that the Sacrifices are not to be harmed and I am to protect them at all costs. I, too, serve God.” Das swelled in his rage.
“Fine, she is to go on a bread –and - water diet until she admits she is wrong,” he ordered and stormed out of the hut.
“I’m sorry, Sacrifice, but that is a power he holds,” he said to me with an apologetic look on his face. I nodded to show my understanding and he nodded back, returning to his post outside my door.

“The Priest has ordered that you only be served by those who have already given over their lives and bodies to the God and to the Orin. He is of the belief that we’ll help change your mind,” she said as she poured the water.
“Did you love him? Mentor, I mean,” I asked, still not moving. She dropped her pitcher.
“Ri, he was a very nice man,” she answered, refusing to look at me.
“He never stopped loving you,” I told her. She fled the room, tears seeming to spring to her eyes. I silently rose and hid the food. I was still not hungry, but that could change once it became clearer to Das that I would not break. If he cut off food altogether I would need a stash to fall back on.

“Are you ready to take God and me as your master, or will you continue this foolish descent into hell?” he asked on the third day of my imprisonment. It had passed the most recent full moon for which to sacrifice me and Das was a little short on patience. The previous mark had disappeared and I still hadn’t eaten. Today would be the day I would have to start.
“You are nothing but a rapist, Das. I refuse to prostrate myself and spread my legs to you. If you want my body so much you’ll have to fight me for it properly, like a man. Especially because you don’t live in from day to day,” I told him, watching the fury radiate from his body. It still rubbed him raw that I knew his true name when he did not carry that power over me. Quick as a snake he grabbed me by both shoulders and squeezed, shaking me to and fro.
“You stupid girl, you will comply or you’ll die and I’ll be the one to put the knife through your beating heart,” he spat in my face and threw me to the ground. As I was wiping the saliva from my face and sitting up I heard the swish of the door being shoved aside and then his order to the Warrior outside the hut. I was to be put on a sleep restriction. I could only sleep three hours a night. Of all the tortures he could think of, he chose the worst. I would go insane in a week’s time, at the maximum. Four if I couldn’t keep it together.

Sama brought my food on the fourth day of my new sleep schedule and I saw Mentor follow her in. I law slack - jawed. No, there was no such thing as ghosts. But there he was, looking at her as if she were his sun.
“Sama, why did you bring Mentor with you? Tell him to go back to the other side. I don’t like seeing him while I’m stuck here. It’s somewhat his fault in the first place,” I told her, following his gestures with my eyes.
“Are you hallucinating?” she asked me, afraid.
“He’s telling me to ask your last name,” I told her. She visibly paled.
“M-my last name?” I nodded, “Well, it is…it is Reed,” she told me, trembling. I turned from ghost - Mentor to living - Sama. Sama Reed. My name is Reed. Her name is Reed.
“So you’re…” I asked, on the verge of passing out.
“I’m your mother.”

“So I wonder what you’ll say about me today. Probably a list of how stupid I am,” Das said to my prone body. I had been sleep and food starved for a week now and could not even move from the floor. I had taken to rambling incoherently and my insults at Das were less and less painful for him. A Warrior now had to watch me at all times to make sure I did not sleep when I was not supposed to.
“I’ll do it,” I croaked, watching the birds flap around the room. Periodically they would swoop down and peck me. I am deathly afraid of birds of all kinds. If only I could sleep, they would be gone. Being repeatedly raped had to be better.
“What?” he stopped in his tracks. It was the day he’d hoped would come and he hardly dared to believe it.“I’ll be a Sacrifice,” with that I fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 3

Writer's note: I knew this would be hard, but it's not something you really do until you start experiencing just how freaking hard it is to write 1,667 words a day on one story. I never was good at subplots. I've never been good at finishing things like this either. So here it is. I vomit it for you on the page.

“In a weeks time, when the moon is full for the fist night, she’ll be sacrificed to the Orin she loves so much. Come find me when she wakes,” I heard before I slipped back into unconsciousness. When I next awoke, it was to the Priest sitting, watching me. I closed my eyes again, willing it to be a bad dream. Mentor was passed out among the Orin bones, not lying crumpled dead at the feet of one. I was not going to be sacrificed in a few days time.
“Open your eyes back up, Lisha. It’s time to face your sacrificer,” my eyes flew open.
“You arrogant, self-satisfied piece of shit don’t you ever use my name. Priest or no Priest, Das, if it ever passes your lips again I’ll tear you apart and take great pleasure in it,” I whispered at him as his smile oozed off his face and he turned pale.
“Where did you find out my name?” he asked, growing more angered the incredulous by the second.
“You don’t have as many loyal followers as you think,” I spat at him, “I also know it comes from the name Judas, not the name Leonidas as you claim. You wish that your name meant something as proud as the Warrior of the Spartan army. You wish your name meant ‘courageous’. No, instead your mother saw it fit to name you after the cowardly, two-faced Disciple of Jesus Christ. So tell me Judas, who is your Jesus and what’s your twenty pieces of silver? Who’re you betraying, thinking it’s all for the good but is really killing the son of God?”
“You snake. You slithering, cunning, conniving SNAKE!” he screamed and launched himself at my bed, pulling the covers off my naked form. I pulled my knife from its hiding place beside my bed and held it to his neck as the door opened and my favorite Warrior entered. She was the one who taught me how to use weapons and to always keep several within reach.
“You will not attack or molest me, Das. You will never take that dignity away from me,” I told him in a clear, quiet voice as a stream of blood flowed down my blade and dripped onto my chest.
“That won’t be true in a few days. Then you’ll have no choice,” he whispered, sitting up and putting his hand to the shallow cut.
“There is always a choice, Das. Always. And I have made mine.”
“Take her to the holding hut for the sacrifices. Remove all her weapons,” he ordered the Warrior before he stepped out. We both knew he hadn’t gone far, so we couldn’t talk. So I did all that I could think to silently do — throw myself at Na and hold her tightly to me. In one bad night I had lost my Mentor and safety and perhaps my life. As a Beloved I would never be allowed to go out to the Orin again, to leave the area of the Beloved, to study the creatures and plants of our forest. I would not be able to read the books of the religion or any of Mentor’s writings. The tribe would be pleased, to finally have turned me into a proper female. Na ended the hug and spoke in a loud voice so she could clearly be heard by the eavesdropping Das.
“Hand over all knives, garroting wires and other assorted weapons,” she ordered. I took the hint and made loud banging and clanking noises to cover the sound of me slipping one small, sharp, flat knife into my waistband and to tie one wire around the upper part of my thigh. Na had taught me the uses of these weapons and I was not afraid to use them if I found the right time.
“Stop there, Warrior, and allow her to be searched by another. She may have befuddled your senses and slipped a weapon in somewhere,” Das said, his eyes raking up and down my body. I could just imagine where he thought I might “slip” a weapon. Na’s hackles rose at any hint of mention that her skill and judgment was anything less than standard. This man truly was an idiot. Na wasn’t just any Warrior, but the Head of them. They all respected and followed her judgment. If they couldn’t, they were turned out and a new job was found for them.
“I apologize, Head, but I have been ordered to search this prisoner,” Darr told her and Na knew who to be angry at.
“You doubt me enough to call in another to search her?” she asked, turning her cold stare on Das. She made no threatening movements toward him. Only frigid awareness, the coldest gaze spread over to him.
“I-I-I d-d-do not d-d-doubt you. I only suspect her charming and beguiling ways. I will trust the two of you to escort her,” he stuttered and then skittered off. A true testament to her people’s loyalty I felt his hands find both weapons but he never hesitated, never let on to the crowd that had gathered to watch my shame. They then both seized an arm and steered me to one of the huts.
“Thank you Right Arm. You may return to your duties now,” Na told him. He nodded and trotted off to his Sentry posting. The dolt of a Priest had pulled a Sentry to search me, when everyone was terrified senseless of the rest of the Orin awakening and coming to kill us all in revenge.
“If you are to use the knife, slip it between the third and fourth rib and thrust up. If you use the wire, pull up long and hard. Do not stop until you cut his head clean off,” Na whispered to me once we reached the inside of the hut. She then hugged me once more and left. I collapsed to the ground and stared at the wall for a time.Mentor was dead. He was dead and I was to be sacrificed by Das. I was going to be forced by Das unless I could think up some sort of plan.

Chapter 2

writer's note: So please ignore any literary faux pas in this story like redundancy and horrible writing. We're supposed to send our inner editors on a break so I refuse to go back and read what I wrote too seriously. Unless I need to get my head back into the game. Why am I doing this again?

“Lisha,” Mentor yelled at me, “Stay behind and organize your drawings. I’ll go out and observe the Orin.” I pressed my lips together and nodded.

Mentor had been drinking his special drink again and didn’t want me around to witness his ranting. I sighed once again and turned back to the work of organizing the pictures that were in containers with dates and a table of contents, knowing I would have to track him down and carry him back later, when he had worn himself out. This time around he had seen a Priest entering his beloved’s home after coming back late, when the rest of the tribe had been abed for hours.

I woke with a jerk, spilling the sketches I was studying to the ground.

“No, no it can’t be happening,” I muttered, running from our house. It was the alien thunder. I do not know how I knew but I had never heard this sound before so there was truly only one explanation. It had to be the Orin. Maybe Mentor had brought one to life.

“But they’re bones, only bones.” I raced with the best Warriors to reach the Orin first. They couldn’t kill it. You’re not supposed to dismember the dead, except to eat. They can’t do that to the Orin. We can’t eat them and they’re dead. We needed to study them, Mentor and me, they couldn’t rip them apart. They can’t rip another poor girl from the one she loves.

“Kill it! Kill the beast before it wakens the others!” screamed a Priest standing at the edge of the clearing. How did he get out here so quickly? I was the fastest runner, faster even then the Warriors.

“No no no, don’t hurt it!” I screamed. The Orin was only purring it seemed to me, like a jaguar perched peacefully in a tree after a kill, licking its chops and trying to decide if it is hungry enough to go through the work of catching you.

I ran past the advancing Warriors, who were all in attack position with spears or bows pointing at the rumbling Orin. I reached the feet of it and saw a sight that brought me up cold—my Mentor twisted three different ways. Two sets of footprints, one with an odd bar at the base of the balls of the feet.

“The Apprentice would speak such blasphemy in front of a Priest?” he asked, spittle flying from his mouth. The Warriors seized me and a long, keening scream burst from my throat as the dismembered the inert Orin until one hit me on the back of the head. Occipital bone I thought as the black stars clouded my vision and then darkened my senses until I had none.

The Orin

Writer's note: So this year I decided to participate in Nanowrimo (national novel writing month). What I have to do is write a 50,000 word novel by November 30th. For this, I think I can be legally institutionalized. So, I decided it might be logical to post some excerpts here. This is the first bit here, the first bit I've typed. It's in journal-format right now. It will switch in and out. Enjoy.

It’s said that many thousands of years ago we never lived in these forests. We don’t know that, can’t know that, today. All we know is that the Orin are always there, always seeming to watch us. Judge us. They lost me my one and only Sama. So I’ve spent all my time trying to prove to the others that they are not alive and we do not need to lose our loved ones to them. Superstition dies hard though, and nobody believes me, except my daughter Lisha. That’s only because I’ve raised her to question the tribe’s beliefs, and those of those Priests, who only try to keep us in the dark without knowledge that has been proven. I have also not raised her as a proper woman but have instead allowed her to roam and explore the forests around us. Allowed her to gather bugs and lizards and birds and to let her keep and study them in our little home hut. It does not help us that the tribe has no knowledge that I am her father, just as she does not know. I’ve never wanted her to know. I have no wish that she know. Perhaps this is selfish of me but that’s the way of it. Sama has never bothered to inform her of the truth either.

Why do I continue to write these words? Why do I continue to live? Oh yes, for Lisha. For Lisah. Lisha. My daughter. How is she my daughter? Did Sama and I ever actually consummate our love? Was I ever able to bring myself to mar her beauty like that? I think I did, one night after a harvest feast. Could our one union be the reason for my beautiful Lisha? Sama, why did I have to lose you? I love you so much Sama. I must go out and be of use to you and to my daughter. My daughter. Not Das’s. Mine. I believe that fermented berry juiced worked all too well on my senses tonight. I apologize, DAUGHTER, for making you care for me. I do love you.


I don’t see what good comes of writing my thoughts, feelings and actions down but Mentor insists. At the edge of our forest were these yellow creatures. Long necks with big, shovel-like heads. They are all lined up, side by side, rank by rank in perfect rows. All of their heads are tucked down to their bodies, neck arched. The entire tribe, except for me and my Mentor, are terrified to go near them. They fear that one day the monsters will awaken and come in to finish whatever business that brought them there. They tribe’s people refuse to touch, look at, or even hunt by where they slumber. Every so often a Priest will convince enough people that there needs to be a sacrifice of some sort. Sometimes it’s some food, or some wood or some poor, dumb beast. Mostly it is the virginity of some poor girl to the Priest. It is a disgusting custom that anyone who is not made a Beloved believes in whole heartedly. It’s supposed to be some sort of honor. I see none in it. Yes, the Beloved lives a comfortable life and never needs to hunt or gather or make anything of herself. However she is always secluded from the rest of the tribe except for feast days. She loses her friends, her family and any man she might have been in love with all because she is a sacred object. Object, not human. Placed on a pedestal and taken down to dust every feast day so we can all pretend to honor her. And more often than not she is one of the most beautiful of the tribe and if the Priest who chooses the sacrifice has a grudge with any unwed man she is usually betrothed to him. I can not see how the Priests may make their choices.

Everyone else fears the creatures, the Orin, but we recognize the place for what it is—a bone yard. These monsters would never awaken again. Whatever had killed them did it quickly and efficiently. They just lay their great heads down and never picked them back up. I assume they’re extinct, but I can not be sure for I have never had the chance to leave my territory even though I year to. Instead I spend my days sketching the Orin for my mentor, who also believes there to be no threat from them either. He has been studying them since one of the Priests took his betrothed as a sacrifice. He wanted to know about the beasts he was paying homage to through his brutal loss. I also believe it gave him a reason to pull away from the rest of the tribe, become an outcast, so he no longer needed to pretend to love them and accept their ways. Because of him we know they do not wake from any sort of physical pain because of his rages. Every once and a while, when he sees one particular Priest, Das, enter the hut that we know to be the Beloved Sama’s he brings out his nasty drink and becomes—disoriented to say the least. He is no longer the Mentor I know, but a man of anger and uncertainty and death. He goes out to fight the Orin, to provoke them into killing him. I call it his “liquid destabalizer” because it only serves to throw him completely off balance both physically and mentally. Whatever it is that he drinks he refuses to tell me exactly what it is and how to make it. Whatever it might be he beats upon the Orin with sticks, weapons, fire and when all else fails, his own body. There has been many a broken finger. He screams curses at the gods he can not know.

Maybe this is what Mentor was speaking of. All of my words come spilling out onto the page, unorganized and cluttered. This could be what he was talking about with my reports on the Orin. Perhaps he was right and I do need the practice.