Current times and current attacks

I'm so damn tired off all this bullshit. I'm looking at you, Republicans. This is an uncalled for attack. There's no reason for this. Let me tell you something, back in the "good ol' days" you would be breaking your backs in a field somewhere. They were very rarely happy times, except for the very few who had the money to go to college. You wouldn't have had it.

I'm so tired of this. So damn tired of every second where somebody is trying to take away my humanness. Not my humanity, but my humanness. They are trying to erase my rights as a human, to make me less than them. Do you know who this is? It is so very often those old white men, privileged in every sense of the word. People who have never, ever had to question every second of every day whether or not they would be de-humaned that day. Nobody is trying to tell them that they're unable to make their own decisions about how their body works and how they can control their future. These men are, all at once, trying to say that rape isn't rape, to take away birth control and outlaw abortions. Say a girl doesn't want to have sex until she's married, and only then for children. But she's raped one day and the man causes a pregnancy, one in her body, not his. She couldn't be on birth control because she couldn't afford it, she can't even charge him really, because who in the fuck would believe her? I'm sure she was dressed too provocatively, walked down the wrong alley or something. She can't get rid of the child either. Putting the child up for adoption isn't really even on the table. So she's left there to raise a child she can't afford to put what will probably amount to another criminal. They're attacking women on a very fundamental level, telling her that the only important part of her is her womb and that any man should have access to her at any time they like. They're telling her that she must produce a child even if some man forces himself on her.

Every fucking day every woman you meet has to worry about balancing how she acts to be seen "right". She has to be just feminine enough without being frivolous, just pretty enough, just sexy enough but not enough to make men "lose control of themselves" as if they're wild animals with no impulse control. We have to dress just right, flirt just right, be coy but not run too much, wear shoes that make it hard to run in but be prepared at all times to run from any man. The right clothing for her is clothing that grants the easiest access to those parts that any man is supposed to have a claim on. She's supposed to look natural but perfect, to have the perfect breasts, the perfect legs, the perfect hands and arms and face. Her hair is supposed to be long and healthy, her eyelashes long and lustrous, her eyebrows just perfectly manicured. Every woman is held to these standards of appearance and deportment that men are never held to. And, seriously, those who say "that's just how it is" don't have an original fucking thought in their head. They swallow these standards without thinking about them.

Women are constantly at threat. We don't really want to have to think about it, but it's the truth. At any point in time a man could decide that he wants to take something from you that only belongs to you; a part of your body and soul. A part of your sanity that will never return. A part of trust that you can never extend again. It's something that you have to be expecting and defending yourself from at all points in life. How many men are afraid to leave their drink , are afraid to walk alone? Guys consistently wonder why women go places in pairs; maybe it's because there's safety in numbers? Every thought about that? Ever thought about the fact that the women will get blamed if she's attacked and she's alone, defenseless? She has to accept at all times that any man in her life can decide that he wants something from her and she doesn't even have to agree to give it; he can just take it. Even the most trusted men in her life can do her wrong-- priests, police officers, fathers, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, husbands. The people who most often attack women are those nearest to her. I've heard so many stories of older cousins who harm their family than should even be possible. Boyfriends won't stop when she says no. Husbands who beat her. People in authority positions take advantage. A woman in the military is three times more likely to be harmed by a higher officer than a woman in normal life.

My body is mine, you friends', daughters', relatives', neighbors', and random acquaintances' bodies all belong to them. How in the fuck would you feel if suddenly the government and a bunch of women came in and told you that you couldn't use condoms anymore? That if someone beat the shit out of you that there would be no recourse? That the only thing you're important for is one small part of you? So back the fuck off. Leave us be. And maybe think before you start spouting off shit.

What You See Affects You

I frequent blogs that are about fashion and body image. That leads to an inevitable post at some point about the manipulation of images, and how there are so damn many skinny models, of a body type that is impossible for a large chunk, far larger than 50%. You then get a large amount of commenters that say that they are able to sort out these images and ignore them.

A study conducted by Rebecca Glauert, Gillian Rhodes, Sue Byrne, Bernhard Fink and Karl Grammer titled "Body Dissatisfaction and the Effects of Perceptual Exposure to Body Norms and Ideals" explores this in an indirect way. In the study they presented images of women who range in body sizes from a BMI of 12-30. They found that 7 seconds of exposure to 20 images. Think about this, that means they were exposed to these images for 2 minutes, just 2 minutes. It shifted their perceptions of what is normal and what is ideal by at least one BMI point in either direction. They also related body satisfaction scores to what the women held as their ideals and found that the women who were most affected by the thin images have the biggest disparity between their considered ideal body and their own body.

Just seeing images of thin women shifts your ideas of what a normal body is and an ideal body smaller. This does not happen consciously. It shifts those norms and ideals down on both an explicit level, what we are saying, but even implicitly, where we look. When asked the same question we'll look to skinnier images, not even considering the same body as before.

So yes, seeing all those images does affect you. It affects you on a level far deeper than you could imagine. There is no study that I know of that examines the long-term effects of these things, but truthfully, it'd be impossible to do so. When the participants go back out into the real world they're inundated with the thin images again and it either keeps the effects of the thin images or reverses the works of the larger images.

Rules of Feminism

I'm admitting for the world to see that when I was younger I used to tell others what would make them a good feminist. I want to apologize, as I was stupid for doing that. I grew up and attempted to learn what it really meant to be a true feminist, which is not telling other women what is best for them.

I often read fashion blogs. I love seeing the outfits they put together, and in my future career I will need to know how to craft an outfit. Also, they are beautiful and creating beautiful things. One of the problems I have run across for many of these women is that they are judged by others to be frivolous and self-centered. Those who are doing the judging are often older women who had to fight to get into the positions they did by using and exploiting the rules for me; dress conservatively, dress in pantsuits and suit coats, minimal colors, etc. That was what they needed to do. Perhaps another way to view these women who are coming in wearing bright colors and skirts and stereotypically feminine clothing (although men in skirts is inexplicably hot, or is that just me?) is that you have fought for the right for them to wear exactly what they want to and not be looked down upon.

I am not attempting to discount the fact that we still have a long way to go in gender equality for dressing for work; there are still women being fired for not "wearing the right clothing" when it is something men would never be asked to do (i.e. you must wear skirts, or makeup, or nail polish) but the climate has opened up so far.

My point here is that who are you to tell another person that their work-appropriate attire is not appropriate? I have been taught that the feminist movement was about trying to take the moral police words out of mens' mouths and throw it into the ocean for sharks to snack on, not to shove it into our own mouths and give new voice to them. When you tell another person that "that isn't true feminism" you better have a good reason to back it up, such as they are saying that every other woman out there must dress like me, or you, or her. That is exactly what was being done to us before, saying that if your waist and hips do not conform to this ratio you just belt yourself up into this device that will shove around your organs, or that women must wear heels and dresses at all times. Women must never leave the house. Women must have a child. Women must marry. Women can never have jobs-there were a lot of commandments. If someone is commanding you to do something then, by all means, take it up with her quietly and respectfully; there is another human behind that screen or face. If it is a simple difference of opinions then treat it as such by walking away and not making edicts about how she must live to embody this ideal.

:)

Belief without Question

It was not until recently that I was introduced to the song "Tony" by Patty Griffin. It is about a gay boy who kills himself because highschool was hell for him.



The most poignant line to me is "I guess you finally stopped believing/That hope would ever find you". Perhaps others would find this to be too personal, but for a long time in my life I was suicidal. I made some weak attempts that nobody ever found out about and would fantasize about dying most every day. I did not fantasize about what it would do to others, or about how everybody would be sad at my funeral. What I wanted was to get away from myself.

Isn't that what every one of these children who happen to be queer are doing? Society mocks them, says that the core of themselves are wrong. Something that is unchangeable and hard-wired into them is so wrong, something that does not hurt others. There is no harm in being queer. In fact, what if the situation were reversed? Think about it--if you are straight, why are you straight? Where might someone have gone wrong in raising you, what development went wrong to make you exactly as you are supposed to be? Straight people do not have to question themselves in these manners, they do not have scientists saying that there was some inefficiency in making them.

I have never actually been attacked for being who I am in my sexuality, but that may in part be because I have not had a sexual life. I can not imagine somebody coming up to me and saying that they hate me because I dare to love who I feel I need to love. To tell me that I am wrong for loving others as I am driven is like telling you that you are wrong for loving your cisgender S.O., or even your children. Who the fuck are you to tell me things like this?

Question the things people who have never questioned their teachings. The people who say this is so wrong are usually the people who will accept anything that they are told by someone in authority. So much of what went into the Bible or any text like that was so context-dependent that taking everything literally from it is an exercise in pointlessness. Ask yourself what you are asking of others, to change and deny so basic a part of themselves that they would commit suicide to escape themselves, and others. When you pass comment on someone, even online (or especially online, as things will not come off the same here), think about what you are saying. Why are you attacking them? Think about things logically, read stuff without judgment by those who write from experience. And for everybody's sake, quit trying to make someone be you.